Thank you again, guys. I decided not to work for a week, and I feel better and clearer now, and also bad for no fuly acknowledging your support. So many of you made a lot of time and efford to reach me, and I really appriciate it.
I wish I could tell you more about this situation, to help you helping me, but I can’t, I really can’t. People I love dearly and who try their best are involved, and I would never forgive myself if I would call them out.
But the sheer amount of support and messages und good vibes you guys gave me already helps.
Right now I am feeling okay, and I really hope it stays this way, though I know that it can change so sudden…
I’m still searching for a good therapist.
I am still alive.
Not quiet sure yet, but I start to think that it might get better. Thanks for all of your messages, especially the ones who tell me what I mean to them.
I will take antidepressiva tomorrow and go to a threapist. Maybe things will change.
(Tobias H., I don’t have a mobile anymore. But you can maybe sent me your facebook?)
Please don’t read this if you rely on my strengh, please don’t read this if you can’t handle to see me very, very down. Please don’t. I’m afraid it will bring you down, too.
Anonymous said: This might sound a little strange, but I was wondering what your hair/skin/nutritional routines are? As in, what do you do that your hair and skin always look so amazing? Do you do or use anything specific? uwu I hope you have a great day!
Actually, really not much. In this regards I have good genetics. Well, or rather not, I have so much cellulite and strech marks.
As for my hair, I use different shampoos from time to time, because my hair loves that change! And I don’t bleach my hair and let it dry in the air. That’s the best way to treat my natural curls!
Anonymous said: Dear Raph, can you tell us what are the differences between having sex with a men or a woman? (or an alien?)
Hm, well… You are asking for my person opinion, right? Because I think that there are people who don’t see any difference at all or have completly other opinions than I do.
So, my personal opinion. Though I can imagine that it may offence some people, which I definitly do not want.
There are two things I do not like much about having sex with men.
1. I am not to found of the male shape. I can appriciate it, and in some very rare cases even like it a tiiiiiny bit in a sexual way (Geralt from the Witcher, for example), but it’s really a difference to the female shape, which I adore. So when I have sex with a man, I’m mostly turned on because of his personality only, while, when having sex with a women, I am turned on because of her body and mind.
I find that unfair myself, so having sex with a man doesn’t come to my mind, often.
2. There are waaaay less expectations with females. I have some huge troubles with expectations (When people expect me to be nice, to let them sleep at my place when they didn’t search for a hotel. when they visit me and expect me to be there for them or do things together or whatever - I really, really dislike expectations.), and you know, when a man is touching me, he usually is expecting me to touch him, too, or at least wants to cum.
While when women are touching me, they usually don’t expect anything, they just want to touch me and usually never want to cum.
I of course know that there are exceptions, but that’s how the things usually get in my bed. And so I feel that sex with women - in general - is a lot more pure and altruistic. I feel more safe around them and more right to exist the way I am.
(A little sad story: I once had a very sweet male buddy which I respected and adored much. He knew about my problems, but decided to touch me anyways. Which was fine with me, but I told him again and again: “Don’t expect me to touch you, cause I won’t”. He said it’s fine, again and again, and I usually ended our sexual interactions after an hour or something, because it just felt to unfair too me that I was only taking.
After some time he touched me again (by his will, not mine), then suddenly stoppped and said: “There you go. Now you know how it feels.”
It really broke a lot of my trust into men.
But of course I know that not all men are like that. I’m just way more careful with them and need a lot of time with them, before I decide to sexually interact.)
As for aliens, well. I guess there are a lot kind of aliens, so I can’t give an specific answer.
Except, well, I would love to caress the doctor, and hold him, and make him feel good. Heh.
Anonymous said: ahh gosh i'm sorry if i made you angry or upset or embarassed, etc. because of what i said before :( i have dimples myself and i'm really not fond of mine either.
Nooonono, don’t worry, you didn’t! It’s completly okay to feel a little embarassed of something, as long as you accept it at the same time.
Anonymous said: Wow. WOW. Gosh! How can one person contain so much sexy??? Reveal your secrets!
Oh, you! Heh. It comes naturally when my girlfriend is around.
(pssst, I now have an almost-secret sideblog for all of my suggestive stuff I do produce <3)
Heyo friends & fans from the east of Germany, I’m going to Berlin this weekend. There will be a little Meet-Up at saturday, feel free to participate if you want to meet <3
Here’s the event on Facebook!
I tried to submit it but I think my phone didn’t upload properly. I drew this for glasmonds birthday about a week ago.
I tried my best on a ferret, I doesn’t really look like one but it has a cute lil hat and a turtleneck, so yeah, it’s pretty cool. Also it speaks with a french accent, bc imagine french ferrets (omg so cute)
Glasmond is a really inspirational and kind lady that I really adore. I found her blog and positive attitude in a time when I needed it the most so this is for her (she basically helped me start drawing again after being told for 3 years that I’m shit at it) You should totally check her out at her artblog! I really like her energetic style and the colors she uses.
So this is for you, you awesome lady. Keep being da realest and inspirational <3 (alsoyouhaveanamazingbuttandthatsimleispuregold)
Sorry for the crappy quality I’m moving and don’t have a scanner at hand so cellphone pic it is.
Ahhhhhhh oh sweet baby merlin this is so sweet of you… <3 I love the frenglish, haha! You cutiepie ;v; Thank you!! <3 I will put this in my scrapbooK!
Who was that amazing adorable Max (Two Broke Girls) cosplayer I met at the SUPER GEEK NIGHT? I knooowww you followw meeeee
Anonymous said: I don't understand why somebody would fuck you. you are a disgusting, mentally ill person and a fat weight gaining dwarf.
Okay, I finally got the time to answer to this.
I figure you are the same person who sent me the other asks and shamed me on /mlp/, hm? If not, that’s not that important anyway, cause I would say the same thing to all of you people.
I know that kind of tone, those kinds of words. They are caused by pain and jealousy. Only a few - if no one ever - told you that you are worthwhile the way you are. They told you to loose weight, they told you to act sane, to be pretty and perfect and nice. By television, friends, parents, foes, bullies.
But you know what? They are all wrong. They do this to you because it was done to them. They are not able to see the beauty and worth you carry because the are blind of pain. And you will never have a constant happiness if you don’t manage to break out of this circle.
Your body is a beautiful creation. Your soul might be wounded, but it’s worthwhile, too. Your shape is individual, your flaws are just as exciting as your pros. You are the most important person in your life, and you should love this person. You should love your body as it cares for you - it makes you breath, it healths you, it let your regenerate your energy. It literally loves you. Break out of the circle and out of the darkness, you can do it. I know it, because I’ve been in there for a very long time. And once you did it, words won’t hurt you anymore. Because you know it better and know why they are spoken.
Just a quick hint: I got 50+ messages in the last hours and I’m surely won’t be able to answer all of them. Please don’t be sad when I won’t answer your ask!
(Also 4chan sadly seems to have also sent me over some haters, getting a lot of hate messages right now and I want to enjoy the rest of my birthday with joyful things, so I’m off for a while now! See ya!)